Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
