In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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