I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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