she kept yelling 'call me bella'
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
