Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
