third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
try to milk me bitch
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