party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've blown a few things in my day
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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