What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
