I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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