Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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