I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think I just sharted jello shots
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