I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
