I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
