And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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