Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
