I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
