Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want a musical about memes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
