I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
