You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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