Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
