i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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