we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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