i don't like sucking hair
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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