You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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