dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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