tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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