i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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