Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
