I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
