if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
