Whod you bang
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
