Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
