I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
