Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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