I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
