I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
