If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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