Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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