Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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