My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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