I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
