just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
