I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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