I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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