We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
