I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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