At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
