i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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