My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
