I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize