I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
