...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
