remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
