I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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