You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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