he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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