There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was CRYING into my vagina
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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