and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
