Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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