If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize