These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
