I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
