Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
