My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
