My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
