I want to have your abortion
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
