Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
