I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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