You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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