Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
