Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
