Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
