I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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