Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
