I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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